Sad...yet excited!

I think it is a good thing that no one actually reads this. I may even take it off of my facebook page as a link just to keep it a little more personal. It makes it a little easier to pour out my heart if I think it is pretty much between me and God alone. I am so sad tonight. I can see the hurt in a great friend's eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It is still the same conflict...I can stop it...but then become miserable myself...and I've been there...I don't want to go there again. I really do like the direction my life is going now. I feel like I am closer to God than I have probably ever been before and that is EXCITING!!! I feel like I am getting so much closer to finding and following the calling he has for my life. I am truly inspired by those men and women that I spend my Sunday nights and my Tuesday evenings with. I am excited to spend more time with them and learn from them and grow with them. I am ready for God to prepare me for the next stage in my life. I don't know if is the prospect of turning 30 (7 months from today) or just that I have reached that point where I am truly ready. It's scary. It's a time of brutal honesty with God pouring out my heart and my soul. It is a time of having to completely trust him and have faith that he has a plan and he will put that plan into motion. I just don't know how I can keep from causing pain and hurt in the process. I think it would be much easier if my friend had a love for Christ that would get him through trials and tribulations but I don't think he is there yet. I think he loves God and has accepted him as a savior but doesn't truly understand what that means. I pray that God will show him that. I pray that God will bring him a friend...male or female...that can show him that. I feel like I have planted seeds but I can't make them grow. He has to take them and cultivate them and make the flourish.