Giving Up Control

Yesterday during my quiet time, the lesson was about surrendering your life to God and fully trusting in him. That has caused me to take a minute and really think...have I surrendered my life fully to Him or am I still holding pieces for myself? I am at such a weird place right now that I just don't know that I can even explain it. I feel like God has something in store that will be pretty awesome but how or when it will happen, I have no idea. Now let me clarify and say that I have NO IDEA what the something in store is, I just have a feeling. Maybe it has to do with my 30th birthday inching closer. For most of this week, I have had a rare giddy excitement as I wait for what he has in store. Today has been harder. Today has been a day that I want to take back control and work out all the pieces for myself. Today has been a day that I have started thinking that maybe I am wrong...maybe my life is going to go on just as it is without any significant movement. As scary as change is, I really feel ready for it. This is a place I have not been in a really long time. On top of that, it is also a time that I realized that something I have wanted for many years is no longer something I want. I have been praying for God to either make the situation happen or to make it less of something I desire. I feel like it has been answered with the latter. I think that is a good thing. I think there are better options than what I first thought. I think that was me trying to control my situation and not letting God handle it. Now that I am letting go of that, I so greatly want him to step in and show me how he is the one in control and that I just have to have faith. That scares me to no end...either way, it is scary. Him stepping in and answering will be WAY scarier than I thought possible and realizing it may not be what I thought but something else is even scarier. I want to give up control and wait on God so desperately....I am praying so hard that I can do that. I want to have the faith that moves mountains. I also want to make sure that I am desiring the right things and not concentrating on something that is not what God would want. I am so confused right now and I just continue to pray that I might surrender completely to him!!!