Confused...and Frustrated...AGAIN :)

I am still so confused in my life. Almost everything in my life is going really well and that makes me extremely happy. God is so good it blows me away. The potential for even better things feels like it is just at the tip of my fingers. I can't wait to see what the future holds and where He takes me. I know if I rely on Him and follow his guiding, great things will come. But with great things coming, other things have to change. That is the part that is so confusing and frustrating right now. I want so bad to be completely and totally happy...to do that, I have to hurt a great friend. I don't want to and I really wish there was a way around it but I have yet to find that way. I don't want to cause hurt...I can't stand hurting people, but I also don't want to stop my life from moving forward. I just wish I had more answers...I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have to trust God and that his will is going to win out. It's just so hard sometimes. You gotta love when God is teaching you a lesson. :) I kind of feel like this blog entry is pretty vague but I don't feel like the things going on in my mind and in my heart are quite ready to be broadcast, even on a blog no one reads. :) Sorry non-existent readers....maybe later!! :)

Happy Father's Day

Today I am thankful for my Daddy. We don't always get along the best but I really do think he is a pretty awesome man and I am blessed to be able to call him Daddy. I know that most of the time, the reason we do struggle to get along, is that we are too much alike. I see a lot of him in myself! I see a lot of my mother in me but I also see a lot of my dad. I am very glad that he set the example of a Christian father here on Earth and that I have that example of my heavenly father. I know that he worked hard to make sure that us kids had the things that we needed as well as extras. I am very thankful for that. I am not sure I always let him know I feel as far as that goes. Love you Daddy and I hope your Father's Day was fantastic!!

My Plan B is God's Plan from the Beginning

It's funny, you'd think summer break would me LOTS of free time and relaxation. So far, I think I am BUSIER than I was before school got out. Some of that is fun stuff that I want to be doing but STILL...busy. I am writing science curriculum again during the day...fun times there. Anyway, for the first time since school let out, I came home and laid on the couch to watch TV and BAM...I went to sleep. I'm not really a fan of naps most of the time because you wake up feeling all nasty but I fell asleep anyway...contacts in and all. Yup...probably why I am still pretty awake at 11:11 pm. Oh well, I will get in the bed eventually.

I had a really great weekend. I went and stayed with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. My parents came out for the day on Saturday. It was lots of fun. With all the craziness that went down around their wedding, I wasn't sure my sister-in-law and I would ever be friends but God has really worked through all that mess and I feel like we are getting much closer. I have a great time hanging out with her. It was a good weekend. I made it back here just in time to change clothes, throw on some makeup and run a quick Chi through my hair before heading to church.

THANK GOODNESS, I made it back in time for church. That sermon was sent straight from God to Trudy's heart. The theme that has been playing over and over and over in my life especially lately was all laid out nice and neatly in a message from the pastor. Wow, God is pretty amazing with that. The first word's out of the preacher's mouth were something like this: "Has life ever NOT gone the way you had planned." I want to raise my hand and give a shout right then and there. When has my life gone exactly how I had planned in the last 7 years....ummm....never. My big plan was to be married by 23 and working on baby number 3 by now. I wanted to be living the American dream settled down near Momma and Daddy teaching the future of America. I got the teaching thing down but not really the rest of it. At times, I feel like I am just waiting on life to start while I live plan B. The sermon talked a lot about living with plan B. The big point was that just because it is our plan B...God does not have a plan B...what we are living, IS his plan. WHOA!!! DUH!!! HELLO!!! All those thoughts crossed my mind at that point. There is a purpose to my life and a plan in place. It may not be my plan but it IS God's plan and isn't that usually SO much better than my plan. Oh yea, there will be hurt and disappointment but in the end, isn't that what often grows us closer to God??? There will also be joy and happiness...it all works together to make us the people that God intends us to be. Aren't you glad God is in control??? I know I am, I just wish I could trust him a little more...that's my prayer at the moment!!

One Year Later

A year ago this weekend is when God began teaching me some important lessons.

The first lesson he taught me was to not rely on my own plans but realize that sometimes he has other plans that usually end up being better. At this point last year, could I have seen falling and breaking my arm and tearing my ACL as a better plan than what I had in mind...absolutely not. I had plans to work for the summer and hang out at my apartment getting it cleaned and just doing basically whatever I felt like doing. Instead, I spent the summer at my parents house. Yes, there were days that I absolutely hated it and wished for my summer back. But really, a lot of good things happened over the summer. I got to spend some valuable time with my family...those days don't come often enough and I really did enjoy them. I have the best Mom anyone could ever have and I really enjoyed spending time with her. I still miss chatting with her before bed in the evenings and watching GemsTV. :) I spent more time with my best friend than I had in ages and feel that we are closer now than we have ever been. She was with me through all my fun injuries and I was able to be with her as she finished out her pregnancy and then the first month of Miss Abigail's life.

The second lesson that God started teaching me last summer was humility. I had become a pretty independent person and felt confident in doing most things for myself, how I wanted them done, when I wanted them done. That becomes difficult when even small tasks like washing and fixing your hair or taking a bath become a challenge. I had to rely on someone else again. Thank goodness once again for my wonderful mother who did more for me last summer than I should have ever had to ask her to do!! She was fantastic. And let me not forget my dad whose summer didn't quite go the way he had planned either...having to share space again when you had gotten used to not can be quite challenging. There were days I wasn't sure we'd make it but we did. I think this taught me a bigger lesson when it comes to humility and this is the lesson of not just relying on myself but on God....even in the little things. I have always been pretty good at giving God the big things but like to keep the little ones. Kind of like, I know if I needed something big, I could ask my parents...but the little things...like washing my hair, I would not have thought to need them for any more.

So, although there were things about last summer that just really sucked...some really good things came out of it. The road to recovery was long and hard at times but I made it with the help of God, my family, and my friends!! My arm is not 100% straight but it is fully functional with very little pain and I wasn't sure it would ever get there. My knee is great...I don't think I will need surgery on it thanks to PT and continuing to work it out. It is helping me to get to the gym more often because I don't want to have to have knee surgery.

What fascinates me the most is looking at life over the last year and seeing what a difference a year makes. It is interesting that as a teacher, the year goes from August to June (forget July) and last year's accident happened right on the end of that. Not to rush my life, but seeing what a difference this year has made, I can't wait to see what the next year has in store!! :) God is good!!!

7 Years DOWN

I completed my 7th year of teaching today. Wow, that just sounds crazy....I feel like I should just be starting out. The year had its ups and downs but over all, it was a really good year. My kids really bonded with each other and with me...many of them were bawling and did not want to let go yesterday. I have never had it quite like that before. I was sad to let them go. And then on top of that, we found out yesterday that my awesome principal has decided to retire. I wish her the best and know she is doing what is best for her but we will greatly miss her at LCE. There will never be another quite like her. I feel so privileged to have gotten to work for her for the last four years. On that note, this next year will involve a lot of prayer as I decide what my next step in life is. I told my mom a couple of years ago that when 2 things happened, I would start considering other options. One of those things was receiving our IB Authorization and making sure I saw that process through...I didn't want to leave in the middle. The second thing was Kelly retiring or leaving. Both of those things happened this year. I really pray that God shows me the obvious path to take whether it be continuing on at LCE after next year, moving closer to home, or elsewhere. I have a few other requests that could make that decision easier but only time will tell. Just know that I will be praying hard for God to guide me over the next year...and for the willingness to do what he leads me to do.

Sick Day

It is the last week of school and I am home sick. As ready as I am for summer break, I would rather not get a day off from being sick. I am going to the doctor after while to hopefully get some quick working meds. I ran fever yesterday and have coughed so much and so hard that my whole back aches. I am doing everything I can to not cough now b/c it hurts so bad. I hate being a big baby about it but I can't help it.

On another note, I found the most awesome book. The book is: When God Write Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I have not finished the book yet but I feel as if I could have written parts of it because it is totally in line with what I feel and think. I gave up control of my dating relationships to God about 8 years ago after heartbreak and the realization that my future husband is out in the world somewhere. I realized that I wanted to stay pure to him and that when it was the right man, God would show me. That is the gist of this book. It is great so far. I am finding it encouraging also because there are many times, that I try to take control back from God and grow frustrated that I am still single at this point in my life. The book addresses those issues. I highly suggest reading it and giving God the pen to write your love story!!