New Ventures

This past fall, a parent at our school got me involved somewhat with a program at our church called One Parent + Kids that is a program for single parent families. The mother that got me started is the Single Parent director at our church. It was such a blessing to come in contact with her because I have always felt like you can't just go to church on Sundays and be done, you have to be involved and doing God's work as well. The church that I attend is wonderful but it is HUGE. I just didn't quite know how to plug myself in. Well, after talking to Jennifer in the fall, she had me come to the OP+K program. It was already about half way over so they just used me wherever they could on a given Tuesday night. I enjoyed it but wanted to do more and be more plugged in to it. I went to a training yesterday to help with the spring semester and found out I will be teaching the 3rd and 4th grade group along with two other adults. I am really excited about it and am prayerful that God will help me to form meaningful relationships with these children and to become a Christian support in their lives over the 6 weeks we are together. Through this, I have also met the girl that leads the single women's Bible study on Wednesday nights. I have not gone yet because they are in the middle of a study but they are starting a new one in 3 weeks or so. I am praying for the courage to be able to join a new group of Christian believers as we grow in our knowledge of God. I get so shy about doing new things with people I don't really know but I think it will be worth my time if I can just have the courage to do it. I'm excited...I really feel like God is putting me in the right situations right now. I am hoping some of this will help me to know the answers to prayers right now such as where am I supposed to be next fall. I know God has a plan and a purpose for my life but sometimes having the patience to wait on that is the greatest test of faith.

Better

Just a quick post to say I am doing better. I think a lot of things were on my mind on Monday and it just really got me down. I have those periods ever so often. They are a pain in the ass when they happen but I usually feel better pretty quickly. I think my biggest problem was a bought of homesickness. I think sometimes I think that would not be as bad if I just had someone to come home to here. I would probably still be homesick but I like to think it would help.

I constantly have the debate in my head about moving back home. I think it is in the cards in the future but how far away is it. When I first moved out here, I don't know that moving home was really an option. When I could not get a job outside of Ferris, it became a real possibility to get me out of there. Now that I am here, I am more torn than ever. I love my school. At this point, I could not imagine finding a better opportunity. I also have some really great friends, new and old. I really enjoy reconnecting with old friends. Reminds me of an old Girl Scout Song, "Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver and the other Gold." Anyway, I digress. Lots of things to keep me out here but is the pull to be closer to family stronger. I just don't know. Is this the year I need to consider that possibility stronger...I just don't know. It confuses me daily and I know it will take a lot of prayer to know the answer to those questions.

Ramblings of the Mind

Once again, I am hit by the awareness of the loneliness of my single life. I deal with it okay most of the time but occasionally, it hits me hard and fast that I am still single at almost 30 years old without even a prospect looming on the horizon. I really thought that by this point in my life, I would have met Mr. Wonderful and be settled down raising my children. That was the life I envisioned for me. I know, I have been told many times that it isn't what I have planned for my life but what God has planned for my life. This coming from the same people who repeatedly remind me that the right man will come along with I least expect it. Well, folks, I quit expecting it several years ago and here I am, still single. It's especially hard when most of my friends are already settled down and raising their families. I'm just not sure where I belong.

I want a man who loves me unconditionally for who I am. A man that wants to treat me like I am God's chosen gift for me and to be God's chosen gift for me. I want a man who loves the Lord with all his heart and puts him first in all things. I want a man who finds family to be a very crucial part of his existence. I pray so hard that this man is right around the corner and that my waiting is almost over. I want so badly to have a wonderful man to share my day with and cuddle at night before falling asleep in his arms. Maybe one day.

School and the Cat Lady

Two days down...178 to go. :) Actually, the first two days of school have been pretty good. My kids have been pretty well behaved...I have one that I have started noticing today that I will probably have to get a thumb on but not too bad. He is a new student and just starting to come out of his shell.

The most stressful part has just been trying to get everything done that needs to be done in a day. We really need a couple of hours added to our day to fully cover things the way they are intended to be covered. I am very nervous about teaching the new math program our district is using this year. Tomorrow will be my first day to teach it and I just really don't feel ready yet. I don't want to do a half ass job of teaching them but I'm not sure I understand the method enough not to. We'll see how it goes. I think it is a really good program but am feeling less and less like I have the things I need to go with the program to make it fully functional. Hopefully after I get used to it, the lessons will go well. And once I am not so tired it will be better also. I did go to the American Idol concert last night and it was a lot of fun. David Cook was AWESOME!!!

On another note, I am struggling with the part of my life that often gets me down. The part where I am still single with no prospects in sight. I spent some time with my nephew and my best friend's baby this summer and it makes me want a baby. The sad part is, I don't even have a man in my life. I feel so ready to be settled in my life and starting a family. Sometimes it seems to unfair that I am not getting to do that. I am past the point of going out to the clubs or whereever people go to meet someone. I enjoy staying home or going out with a few friends for a calm evening...it frustrates me that at almost 28, I am even having to look anymore. And don't feed me that bull about when you least expect it or when you quit looking or whatever other line, it will happen b/c honestly, I quit all that a long time ago and LOOK, I am still single...no hubby...no babies....me and my cat...that's it. I really don't want to be the old cat lady. :)

So to sum it up, my professional life is going great while my personal life just isn't what I am wanting it to be right now. Eventually, I'll be over that depression for a little while but for now I may just wallow in self pity.

Posting More Frequently

I am going to try to post here a little more frequently as well as myspace b/c I know some people don't have myspace. I may even try to make this more of my blog than myspace but have to wean myself this way. The post I posted right before this one is a copycat of the blog I posted earlier on myspace.

Well, have a great night and God bless!!!

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Pictures

If you want to view pictures from my Christmas break or my sister's baby shower or me meeting Ryan Newman, the link is:
http://photos.yahoo.com/newmanryan12fan