Better

Just a quick post to say I am doing better. I think a lot of things were on my mind on Monday and it just really got me down. I have those periods ever so often. They are a pain in the ass when they happen but I usually feel better pretty quickly. I think my biggest problem was a bought of homesickness. I think sometimes I think that would not be as bad if I just had someone to come home to here. I would probably still be homesick but I like to think it would help.

I constantly have the debate in my head about moving back home. I think it is in the cards in the future but how far away is it. When I first moved out here, I don't know that moving home was really an option. When I could not get a job outside of Ferris, it became a real possibility to get me out of there. Now that I am here, I am more torn than ever. I love my school. At this point, I could not imagine finding a better opportunity. I also have some really great friends, new and old. I really enjoy reconnecting with old friends. Reminds me of an old Girl Scout Song, "Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver and the other Gold." Anyway, I digress. Lots of things to keep me out here but is the pull to be closer to family stronger. I just don't know. Is this the year I need to consider that possibility stronger...I just don't know. It confuses me daily and I know it will take a lot of prayer to know the answer to those questions.

Ramblings of the Mind

Once again, I am hit by the awareness of the loneliness of my single life. I deal with it okay most of the time but occasionally, it hits me hard and fast that I am still single at almost 30 years old without even a prospect looming on the horizon. I really thought that by this point in my life, I would have met Mr. Wonderful and be settled down raising my children. That was the life I envisioned for me. I know, I have been told many times that it isn't what I have planned for my life but what God has planned for my life. This coming from the same people who repeatedly remind me that the right man will come along with I least expect it. Well, folks, I quit expecting it several years ago and here I am, still single. It's especially hard when most of my friends are already settled down and raising their families. I'm just not sure where I belong.

I want a man who loves me unconditionally for who I am. A man that wants to treat me like I am God's chosen gift for me and to be God's chosen gift for me. I want a man who loves the Lord with all his heart and puts him first in all things. I want a man who finds family to be a very crucial part of his existence. I pray so hard that this man is right around the corner and that my waiting is almost over. I want so badly to have a wonderful man to share my day with and cuddle at night before falling asleep in his arms. Maybe one day.

School and the Cat Lady

Two days down...178 to go. :) Actually, the first two days of school have been pretty good. My kids have been pretty well behaved...I have one that I have started noticing today that I will probably have to get a thumb on but not too bad. He is a new student and just starting to come out of his shell.

The most stressful part has just been trying to get everything done that needs to be done in a day. We really need a couple of hours added to our day to fully cover things the way they are intended to be covered. I am very nervous about teaching the new math program our district is using this year. Tomorrow will be my first day to teach it and I just really don't feel ready yet. I don't want to do a half ass job of teaching them but I'm not sure I understand the method enough not to. We'll see how it goes. I think it is a really good program but am feeling less and less like I have the things I need to go with the program to make it fully functional. Hopefully after I get used to it, the lessons will go well. And once I am not so tired it will be better also. I did go to the American Idol concert last night and it was a lot of fun. David Cook was AWESOME!!!

On another note, I am struggling with the part of my life that often gets me down. The part where I am still single with no prospects in sight. I spent some time with my nephew and my best friend's baby this summer and it makes me want a baby. The sad part is, I don't even have a man in my life. I feel so ready to be settled in my life and starting a family. Sometimes it seems to unfair that I am not getting to do that. I am past the point of going out to the clubs or whereever people go to meet someone. I enjoy staying home or going out with a few friends for a calm evening...it frustrates me that at almost 28, I am even having to look anymore. And don't feed me that bull about when you least expect it or when you quit looking or whatever other line, it will happen b/c honestly, I quit all that a long time ago and LOOK, I am still single...no hubby...no babies....me and my cat...that's it. I really don't want to be the old cat lady. :)

So to sum it up, my professional life is going great while my personal life just isn't what I am wanting it to be right now. Eventually, I'll be over that depression for a little while but for now I may just wallow in self pity.

Posting More Frequently

I am going to try to post here a little more frequently as well as myspace b/c I know some people don't have myspace. I may even try to make this more of my blog than myspace but have to wean myself this way. The post I posted right before this one is a copycat of the blog I posted earlier on myspace.

Well, have a great night and God bless!!!

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Pictures

If you want to view pictures from my Christmas break or my sister's baby shower or me meeting Ryan Newman, the link is:
http://photos.yahoo.com/newmanryan12fan

Wow

Wow...so much has happened since I last posted on this site. The day after I posted my last post, I totaled my car on the way home. Yea, I kind of ran a red light thinking it was a four way stop. I got broadsided and flipped my CRV...VERY SCARY!!! I am very lucky to be alive. I now have a new car and am doing much better. The day after Thanksgiving, my uncle passed away. Sad time for my family. Really rough week for my mom. She and my dad seem to be doing better though. Tough times seem to bring you together. I went to Arkansas for New Year's to see my college friends. I really do miss them most of the time. It seems like yesterday we were experiencing life together and now we are all spread out. Good times. Well, I am glad to hear that my friend Matt is now back from Iraq. Hopefully we can get more and more of our boys back home ASAP!! Well, it's late and I'm tired so catch you later!!