Prayers for my Future Husband

It was rather interesting for me today to go back and read over the journal I kept through college. Most of it was dedicated to my various love interests particularly the one I was most serious with. I also have a letter I wrote in 2001 to my future husband. It was interesting to read over that as well. I have changed and grown in a lot of ways, but my hopes and dreams for my future husband have not changed. I realize I am a bit on the old fashioned side but I think old fashioned values are still important today. One thing that has always struck me hard, is that if I am going to get married one day, my husband is already out there in this world somewhere. I often wonder if he is as impatient for the day we are to meet as I am. I pray a lot for him and that he is becoming the man God has planned for me. I also pray that I am becoming the woman that God wants him to have. I hope that he is praying for me also. I also pray that the time is growing near for God to bring us together. One of the things I wrote in my journal was about how my boyfriend at the time wanted to wait until he was 30 to get married. That just sounded crazy to me and I wanted to be married LONG before I turned 30. Well, I will be 30 this year and am still not married...ironically, he is married with a child. Funny how God likes to take my plans and show me that they are mine and not his. One thing I have learned though is that his plan is usually MUCH better than mine if I just wait on it. I refuse to settle for what I think might be best and wait on what God thinks is best!!! To my future husband, my prayers continue to be with you and the man God is growing you to be!!!

The Difference of a Day...not good this time.

It is pretty amazing the difference a day can make. Yesterday I was in a great mood...today, I am so stinkin frustrated I can barely think. My kids are absolutely CRAZY. We only have 9 days left of this school year and it is so obvious. I can't get them to sit down and be quiet and get their work done. What work I do get, is very low quality. I really believe we are pushing these kids too much and need to just end this year a little bit sooner. ARG. I want to be out of this bad mood. I plan to go work out again today and do some more Bible reading when I get home. Hopefully, those two things will really make a difference in this very frustrated mood.

"Holier than Thou"...nope...Just In Love with God

I have a friend lately who likes to tell me that I am acting "holier than thou." That really bothers me. I don't want to act like I am better than anyone else but at the same time, I do feel like having the Holy Spirit within is such an awesome feeling and anyone without it is truly missing out. It seems to consume a lot of what I have talked about lately. I think it is like when you have a new toy or something that you really like...all you want to do is talk about it. I have a fire in my heart for God right now that is unlike anything I have had in a long time. I want others to feel that fire and have it within them also. It isn't that I am "holier than thou", I just want to spread the love of Christ. I do realize that I am still full of sin and that there are many areas of my life that I need to work out. But I am so thankful for grace and that I am forgiven of those sins. It was actually pretty amazing...I typically get very emotional at certain times and really feel like I am losing control of myself. For the first time in many months, that did not happen. It was amazing...and I equate that totally to God. I am so thankful for the group of people that he has blessed me with over the last few months and how their love of Christ and how they live their lives has bubbled over to me. I also realize that valleys will return and that those are the times that truly test us but I feel stronger than I have in a long time. I do believe that God has a purpose and a plan for my life and I am so ready to follow that. I think for several years there, I was not ready to follow. I pray that I continue to feel that way and that I allow God to direct my path and show me the way!!! It's kind of scary really because you never know where and how he is going to take you but it is exciting at the same time.

My Sister

As excited as I am about my new nephew coming, it also reinforces something that just really breaks my heart. That would be my relationship with my sister and the place she gives me in her life. We have never been close but I really thought that would change as we got older. It really has not and not from lack of trying on my part. I know that when I pray for God to help me with certain relationships, the one with her is the one I think I pray the most about. I called her last night to share in the excitement and talk about coming to meet baby Will...all she could talk about was the other people that were coming. It was almost as if it was more important that they would be there than me coming. She's funny like that...with my parents also. Everyone else is more important to her than they are. Which is absolutely crazy after ALL that they have done for her and will continue to do for her. She she expects it from them. It kind of drives me crazy. My parents are 2 of the most important people in my life and I can't stand to see them hurt. The craziness that went on when Drake was born broke my mom's heart. I just hope she is different with Mom and Dad this time. I still pray that one day she can learn to appreciate me and she and I can be close. There are things we have been through together that no one else can share with us...I just pray for the patience to deal with the bad treatment and to love her anyway.

The Waiting Game

I am so super excited. Nephew number 3, William, will be here by next Monday. I can't wait to hold that sweet baby and smoother him in Aunt Trutru kisses!! I want to spoil him as much as I spoiled his brother Drake. Of course, I would love to have my own little ones to spoil but nieces and nephews are the next best thing!!! In some ways, they are better, because you can give them back to their own mommas if they get bad. :) This is going to be one LONG week waiting to meet sweet baby William!!

On another note, I am working on trust and trusting that God has a plan and his own timeline and it is not always lined up with what I want and my timeline. I filled out the application to do more work with Children's Ministry at church but have not heard back from them yet. They call and set up an "interview" to see where your best fit would be within the children's ministry so you have to wait on that. I am so excited to get involved that the wait is a bit torturous. I know that eventually they will call me but waiting is hard. There are many things in life that I am waiting on and it is so hard. I know his plan is perfect but sometimes I wish he'd just listen to my plan a little bit. I want to take control just a little bit but I know I need to trust God and let him be in control.

Old Blogs

I was reading back over some old blogs today and found two that really stuck out in my mind so I am going to copy and paste them and then discuss at the end.

1. "For several years now, I have kept a journal of notes from church and prayers and such. I don't typically reflect on it as often as I should...mainly just while I am sitting in church waiting on the service to start. Well, today, I read back over something that I found interesting and felt like sharing with you guys. It was something I wrote on August 6, 2002...not too long after Jon and I broke up when my heart was still very much broken. What I wrote was: " I pray for the strength to hold my heart tighter and not give it away until is the man I am to marry. I pray for the patience to wait for your perfect timing in bringing that man into my life." I just find that so interesting that I would write that in the middle of heart break but I think it helps explain some things in my life. I have not had the opportunity to date much but maybe that is the reason. My heart is being guarded by God until he brings that man into my life that is the one he perfectly wills for me. I am still working on the patience in waiting for that man but I still have faith that God has him out there. In time, he will unguard my heart when he brings that man into my life."

2. "Is it not so interesting how sometimes God places you in the right place at the right time? Just an interesting thought that has been on my mind since last night. Some of you will know what I am talking about, others will not but just think about it in your own life. How many times were you at the right place at the right time? I fully believe God's timing is perfect. If we wait on him to guide our lives he will orchestrate the daily happenings and the grand events. God is the composer that writes the score of life and the director that tells how to play it. If we try to direct it ourselves, we end up unhappy. I don't know right now how the score of my life will play out but I am very excited to play the music God is writing."

Both of the blogs were written in 2006-2007. I just find them interesting because both have been thoughts on my mind lately. It's funny how God brings things to your mind over and over. It's like he has a particular message for me that he wants to make sure I hear and take to heart. Anyway, just thought I would share those thoughts.

When God Calls, He Will Make You Answer

So, I got part of my answer yesterday about what God has up his sleeve. It is funny how he answers requests sometimes. I know that I have a calling for children's ministry. I have done it for many years but over the last few years have done very little with it. I have helped with the Single Parent Ministry a little bit but not even a lot there. I started feeling the tug a few weeks ago to get more involved at church but really did not know who to contact. I am sure I could have figured it out had I really wanted to but as we are all good at, I made that an excuse. If I didn't know who to talk to, I must not have to do it just yet. Well, God took that excuse away real fast at church last night. One of the mom's from my classroom, spoke in front of the church about volunteering in children's ministry. As if that wasn't clear as mud, a conversation at dinner caused even more conviction. I mentioned what had happened during the service to a couple of people and was basically told that I had to act and that they would ask me if I did next time they saw me. So, today, I talked to the mom that spoke and she immediately sent me the email address of who I needed to talk to and I sent him an email. Now I am just waiting on a response from him as to what my next step will be. I know that if it is within God's will it can't be bad. I know that I am one step closer to answering my call. Scary stuff.

I am just amazed at how ready I feel to take that step again. I had stepped out of helping in children's ministry for a couple of reasons. One, the daily wear of being in the classroom made it feel like work and not joyful. I did not think that was fair to the kids I was supposed to be ministering to. Secondly, I was at a point in my life where God was not my focus. And when God is not your focus, your priorities get all out of whack. That was where I was. And honestly, I liked my lifestyle for awhile. I liked going out and drinking and having a good time and not feeling like I was accountable to anyone for those actions. I could not be honest with the kids I was ministering to if I was out whooping it up in my non church life. Both of those things no longer feel like issues. God took away my desire to drink (except maybe an occasional glass of wine)....and I feel like I have joy again outside of class. Of course, I think a lot of that could have to do with getting that focus back. God brings joy to your life when you let him. I just hope that through my actions, I am bringing joy to him.

We talked last night in small group about what worship truly is and decided that it is much more than just a song or a quiet moment. It goes further than just a Sunday service or a Bible study session. True worship is how you live your lives. It is glorifying HIM in all you do. That is what I want. It is definitely a conscious effort to remember that what I do is for him sometimes but I think it will get easier with time. The example we gave last night was the milkmaid...she should be joyful and honoring God even as she milks the cows. Even the smallest of tasks can be for his glory!! AMEN!!! :)